


Every Starfall

by SomeoneOutThereLovesYou_42 (PhinneasMcCheeser42)



Series: Dry Your Eyes (And Start Believing) [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Family, Friendship, Gen, Mikey is really cute all the time, Non-Sexual Age Play, Ray is such a papa bear okay, Sign Language, The Princess Bride - Freeform, poor Frank has nightmares
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-10
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-02-24 19:53:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2594369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhinneasMcCheeser42/pseuds/SomeoneOutThereLovesYou_42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're brothers already. They look out for and protect each other, they've traveled across the world with each other, they would die for each other.  Ray just takes things a few steps further in the "looking after them" department.</p><p>Or, the verse in which Gee, Frankie, and Mikey are all littles and Ray is their CG.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 00. Introduction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 00\. Prompt: Introduction  
> Characters: Ray, Gerard, Mikey, Frank  
> Timeline: Revenge  
> Summary: Everything has to start somewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, this is my little bandom ageplay verse. Erm, I write these after one-word prompts from my friends and I don't write them in chronological order, so I'll make sure to put the era/timeframe at the beginning of each chapter, along with the prompt, characters involved, and the summary. Other than that, there's not much to say. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> (Title from "Helena" by My Chemical Romance.)
> 
> ((Patri, hope you like this!))

 

It was just after Gerard had made the decision that things had to change.  Ray remembers well how awful things were—sometimes he felt like he was the only member of their band  _not_  stumbling around in a drunken haze 24/7.  And, as is often the case, Gerard was the catalyst.  For everything.  But not necessarily in a bad way, looking back on it.

 

It had been a terrible two and a half weeks, and things were just getting worse in the way that they have to get worse before they get better.  Ray had known this, of course, and there  _was_  a noticeable difference between a lead singer who was drunk off his mind and a lead singer who was suffering through the most horrible withdrawal Ray had ever seen or heard of.  Seriously, he'd assumed it would have been easier to quit heroin, for heaven's sake.  But Gerard was still taking sobriety seriously, no matter how tenuous his grasp on it, and Ray was really fricking proud of him.  He was.  Which was why it broke his heart when everything Gerard had been hiding with the booze and the pills finally came crashing down and took Gerard with it.

Mikey and Frank were out actually talking to people, which Ray knew he should have been doing.  And he appreciated the fans, he really did.  But he was dog-tired, and he had a thing he wanted to work on.  It wasn't quite in the actual "idea" stage of the creative process, so Ray was just calling it a thing for the time being.  And he was still musing over where the line between "idea" and "thing" was drawn when he entered the bus and his world flipped upside down because there was Gerard, all black hoodie and skinny jeans and smudged eyeliner curled up into a ball and grabbing at his hair and (the worst part) silently crying.  Ray had taken a psych course in college and he knew what silent tears meant (that you weren't looking for help, that you thought no one would care, that you couldn't do anything about it, that you thought you were alone), and something inside him cracked just a little.

Gerard looked up and froze.  "Ray—gods, I'm sorry, I'll—I"m sorry—" he scrambled backwards and shakily stood up, gripping tightly onto the chair nearest to him with both hands to hide the fact that they were shaking.  It had been a while since Ray had seen him look this awful.  He was pale and a horrible whitish color that had nothing to do with makeup, but several-day-old eyeliner still ringed black and thick around his eyes, blurry and smudged from crying.  He looked like a ghost, or a zombie or something in between.

Ray took a hesitant step forwards.  "Gee..."  He trailed off.  He honestly wasn't sure what to say.  

"I'm sorry," Gerard said again and—

"No," Ray breathed, background noises filtering out slowly as his world grounded itself within their filthy, stained bus and settled to a halt.  "No, you've nothing to be sorry for.  I just—Gee, why didn't you tell someone you needed help?"

Gerard awkwardly scuffed his foot against the carpet.  "I'm okay," he said, trying and failing to surreptitiously wipe at the tear stains on his cheeks.  Ray fought the urge to scoff.

"Don't give me any of that, Gerard Arthur Way," he said, hoping to project just the right amount of I'm-in-command-and-you-need-to-listen-to- _me_  and I'm-your-best-friend-and-want-to-listen-to- _you_.  To his surprise, Gerard looked up.  "You're the one who said we're in this for the long haul.  We've all sacrificed to be here—Mikey and Frank dropped out of college, even.  And they, we, wouldn't have done that if we didn't really believe in this.  And you know what that means?"  Gerard's face was too confused still, and it broke Ray's heart because he should've known the answer already and the fact that he didn't meant that they were doing something wrong.  "That means we're family.  And family looks out for each other. Now spill before I have to start quoting _Lilo and Stitch._ "

Gerard's eyes were kind of wide. "You've actually seen _Lilo and Stitch?"_

"Oh, shut up, you only think Disney is lame because  _you're_ lame. Don't change the subject." 

His friend took a deep breath. "Something's not right in my head..."

That night, after Ray had made sure Gerard was safe and okay and asleep, he opened several google tabs and began to do his research.  He didn't know the first thing about any of this, and to be honest it sounded like Gerard still didn't know most of the details himself, but Ray would get this right if it killed him because Gerard deserved something to make him happy.

* * *

 

 

 

It was only two weeks later that Mikey approached Ray to ask him what had happened to Gerard.  And yes, Ray had certainly noticed that Gerard was more relaxed, more at ease, and happier since they'd talked and other things had happened.  He just supposed he hadn't really noticed it the way Mikey had.  What he did not know, however, was how he was going to explain this to Mikey (although Gerard had clearly communicated to Ray that he wanted Mikey to at least  _know_ ).

Ray took a breath.  "So around two weeks ago, Gerard and I talked.  And he told me—I mean, he said that, I guess, sometimes he wishes he was younger and didn't have to deal with or worry about any of this stuff.  So he has this headspace, he calls it, where he's younger and he goes into it sometimes, only he's been doing it alone for a long time.  So I started taking care of him while he's younger, and I think he's been doing better because of it...?"  He phrased the last bit as a question because Mikey's face is stoically apathetic as usual, and Ray's not on Gerard's level where he can read Mikey's facial expression and know his reaction right away. 

There was a long pause that just pushed the brink of too long when Mikey finally said, "How old is he?

Ray blinked.  "Seven or eight."

Mikey nodded.  "Good," he said.  "Take care of him.  And—thank you."

After this, Mikey had walked away, but Ray stayed put to think.  Really, he shouldn't have been surprised that Mikeyway knew about this concept, and his laid-back reaction to Ray's bombshell was definitely a blessing.  Still, Mikey confused Ray.  Then again, Mikey confused Ray a lot and probably wouldn't stop doing so anytime soon.

* * *

About a week and a half after Ray's conversation with Mikey—three and a half weeks since Ray had walked into the bus and his life had flipped upside down—Ray walked onto the bus again, this time with a little Gerard in tow, who was excitedly talking about comics while Ray tried hard not to smile too much because  _awwwww._   Ray stepped inside and the first thing he heard was a soft  _thunk_  and a rattle as he bumped into something with his shoe and sent it a few inches to the right.  Curious, he leaned down to pick it up, and almost dropped it again when he saw that it was Mikey's anxiety medication. 

 

"I didn't," Mikey's voice came from inside his bunk, dry and hoarse and a little bit desperate.  "I swear, I didn't do anything dumb.  I promise." 

Ray swallowed the panic rising within him and turned to Gerard, who was waiting right outside the bus doors and clearly hadn't heard anything.  "Gee, come inside please.  You need to be quiet for a few minutes while I take care of something, okay?"  He subtly placed the blade in his pocket as Gerard nodded and came in, sitting obediently on one of the chairs in the lounge while Ray headed back to the bunk area.  He had another Way to save.

Ray pulled back the curtain from around Mikey's bunk, sighing when he saw the younger Way tucked in the same kind of ball he'd found Gerard in three weeks ago.  He hesitated.  Mikey wasn't really  _his_ , not in the way Gerard was his now (and was it weird that it hadn't even been a month and Ray was already fiercely protective?), and he didn't have a psychic bond with Mikey the way Gerard did.  Was this really the right way to deal with this situation?

But that almost didn't matter, because Mikey was hurting and they were family and he had to do something.  So he climbed into the bunk next to Mikey, both of their backs to the wall, and sat down, trying to calm the shakes that ran through Mikey's skinny body and feeling sick to his stomach because was this really what a panic attack was like?  He'd never known they could get this bad.  "Mikey," he said, then stopped.  Sighed.  "Mikes, I know it's not okay now but it will be.  You're safe here.  We're not gonna let anything hurt you, we're gonna look after you and you're going to be okay."  Mikey seemed to relax a little bit at Ray's side, and Ray put an arm around him.  "It'll be okay, we'll take care of you, I promise."

Suddenly, Gerard came into Ray's field of vision.  He'd been trying to surreptitiously creep towards the bunk in which Ray and Mikey were currently nestled, which was one part funny, because surreptitious is the last word anyone should _ever_ use to describe Gerard in headspace, and one part generally not okay because Ray had told him to stay in the lounge.  Ray gave Gerard his best parental "you've-done-wrong" stare, which he'd perfected over the past three weeks, and Gerard winced. 

"Sorry," he whispered.  "But sometimes, when it gets really bad, he can sleep if I sing."

In that moment, Ray felt like absolute crap for every time he ever made a joke about the Way brothers' codependency issues, because this was such a simple act of pure love and caring and unselfishness and he almost wanted to cry.  Instead, he listened to the way Gerard's voice was soft and calm as he sang the words to "Nothing Else Matters" and watched the way Gerard folded Mikey's hands in his with an ease that spoke of a lifetime of doing so.  Ray slid out of the bunk and stepped back.

A few minutes later, Gerard carefully leaned out of the bunk and grabbed at the blanket, wrapping it around Mikey's shoulders and putting his finger over his lips as a signal to Ray to be quiet.  Ray nodded.  The two of them crept off elsewhere to find a game to play, and they sat outside the van in the heavy summer air: Gerard talking animatedly as he set up a board game on the ground, and Ray listening while discreetly fingering the orange pill container he'd not dared to leave on the bus.

"Is Mikey gonna be okay, Ray?" Gerard asked suddenly, pausing with his hand raised and a game piece clutched tightly like that could stop his brother from falling.  His face was lined with worry that was too old for him, and Ray's throat closed up.  He swallowed.

"Mikey's gonna be fine, Gee," he said, firm, reaching out to hold Gerard's free hand in his own.  "Cause we'll look after him.  I promise."

The next time Gerard and Ray had quiet time, Mikey joined them and played three to Gee's eight, and they never looked back.

* * *

 

Ray had known that Frank had been bullied at high school, and he knew that it got pretty bad.  He didn't pry, because why would anyone?  He just accepted the self-destruction and the low self-esteem and the depression as things that made Frank Frank, and tried to help with the depression and give him little confidence boosts because that's what friends do.  And of course, they told Frank about their "arrangement," as they'd begun to term it, and he was totally cool with it.  He even helped Ray with the kids, sometimes. 

(The kids.  When did Ray start calling them that?)

But as things continued and their lives got even crazier—they were starting to get recognized on the street and none of them could believe it—, Ray started to form a hypothesis of his own.  A theory, or even a baby theory because it was so small.  Like a mini theory.  Everyone knew that Frank Iero was prone to acting like a child whenever he wanted, and at twenty, Frank was little more than one; but after two months of playing, touring, caring for Gee and Mikey, songwriting, and trying to deal with becoming famous, Ray began to think that Frank also had a headspace.  It was one that he probably slipped in and out of relatively quickly and without realizing it, but Ray knew something was up and he thought Gerard did, too.

Naturally, Gerard and Ray decided that the best thing to do would just be to straight-up ask, because (as stated earlier) subtlety was not their strong suit.  And as a result of this, there is no dramatic story of how Ray discovered accidentally discovered Frank's headspace, because all he did was ask.  Frank thought about it for a minute, drew his eyebrows together, and nodded once.  "I think so?" he'd said, and Ray had defaulted to the phrase he'd learned made everything all right for kids.

"It's okay, Frankie."

Frank shrugged.  "Yeah," he'd said, "I think it will be."  Then, he'd suddenly grown hesitant, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.  "Would you—I mean, how do you want to—now that I can be little, who—"

Ray cut him off.  Frank's question was in his eyes anyway, not his words.  "We'll take care of you, Frank, of course we will, why would you think any differently?  Do you have any idea of what age you are?"

Frank bit his lip, unvoiced gratefulness shining through his eyes.  "I don't know.  I don't think—Mikey's three, right?  I don't think I'm two."

"Real life ages don't matter," Ray said calmly, watching as Frank visibly loosened in relief.  

"I still don't know.  But I doubt I'm older than Gee."

"That's all right," Ray said, smiling reassuringly.  "You can be the middle child.  Gerard already sees you as another little brother anyway, and I know he's told you as much.  And you can figure out the rest when you're ready, all right?"

Frank nodded.  His fears and insecurities were still written plainly across his face, but Ray knew they would be gone soon enough.  And even though there were thousands of unsaid words still hanging heavy in the air, Ray had a strange feeling that they'd finally gotten it right.  This was it.  Things would be okay.

* * *

That was a long time ago.

Ray finishes placing the last of the pizza bagels on a plate, glancing out into the lounge area of the bus as he does so.  Things are still more or less the way they were when he left to turn off the ringing timer and take the bagels out of the oven.  Mikey is sitting calmly, back up against the couch as Frank decorates his face with stickers, and Gerard's coloring.  Something about even just watching the scene makes Ray feel more peaceful, and he smiles widely as he carries the pizza bagels and a few Capri Suns out to the lounge.

"Dinner's here," he says, and Frank cheers.

"Yay, snacks! And Ray, look at Mikey! I made his face all pretty!"

"I see that," Ray agrees, and Mikey smiles.  Mikey doesn't say much when he's in littlespace but he communicates just fine, and his smiles are worth a million dollars (which makes Ray the richest man on the planet, and doesn't he feel like it?).

Gerard puts down his sketchbook they keep for when he's little and crawls over, grinning.  "Thanks, Ray!" he shouts, plopping himself down next to Mikey so that the youngest of the three is in the middle.  When Gerard is in littlespace he's almost always  _Gee_ , because " _Ray_ , Gerard is for big people and me when I'm in trouble."  And Frank is always  _Frankie_ , more for the fact that Ray's figured out how all three are huge suckers for nicknames and terms of endearment.

"Can we eat now?" Frank asks, and Ray nods.

"Yep.  Who wants Capri Suns?"

As expected, Frank yells "Me!" while Gerard says "Me and Mikey!" and Ray tosses the juice pouches out.  He helps Mikey poke his straw in and watches Gerard help Frank get his, then he hands out napkins and they all start eating.

This is something their fans are never going to see, and Ray's honestly kind of glad for that.  Gerard's chattering happily about the cat he was drawing earlier, and Frank's pulling funny faces at Mikey to make him giggle.  Ray has to keep remaining Frank to eat because he's laughing so hard.  At some point, a sticker falls off Mikey's nose and Ray reaches over to stick it back, which makes both Frank and Mikey grin at him.

After they're done eating, they'll probably start to slow things down.  They'll all climb on the couch and Ray will read them part of  _The Princess Bride_  before bed (and Frank will insist that he "do the voices, Ray!").  They'll all cuddle up tightly because it's winter and it's cold out, and after they're done reading, Ray might sing to them.  Tonight will probably be an early bedtime, because it's been a long day and his boys have worn themselves out, so Ray will insist that they all move over to the bunks and then he'll tuck each one of them in with stuffies and extra blankets and goodnight kisses.

But that's later.  Right now, Frank's somehow managed to get tomato sauce on Gerard's nose, and Ray leans over to wipe it off as Gerard scrunches up his face (which is really cute).  "Try to get your food in your mouth, Frankie, not on your brother," he comments, and Frank pouts (which is also really cute).  And then Mikey tugs on Ray's sleeve just hard enough to get his attention and points to the other side of the room.  "You want Homer?" Ray asks, and Mikey gives him a tiny nod while he bites his lip (which is heart-stoppingly adorable).  Ray gets up and walks to the other end of the room, where Mikey's stuffed snowy owl is resting on a chair and grabs it, bringing it back and depositing it in Mikey's lap.  He's rewarded with a smile.

Yeah, all of that can come later.  Right now, Ray's going to enjoy what he's got, because this is all he's ever needed.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Homer is named after my stuffed snowy owl Homer. I have no shame.


	2. 46. Book

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 46\. Book  
> Characters: Ray, Bob, Gerard, Frank, Mikey, Brian  
> Timeline: Late Three Cheers  
> Summary: Brian walks in on a nightly ritual when he goes to visit the My Chem bus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tis me, back again! Thanks to all of you lovelies for your comments and kudos and the like. Yeah, speaking of, I've added Bob and Brian to the verse (though obviously they won't be in any drabbles that take place in the Killjoys era or later). Anyway, that's basically it... You can go read the chapter now.

“‘Another rich man. Yes, and he left you for a richer woman.’

“‘No. Poor. Poor and it killed him.’

“‘Were you sorry? Did you feel pain? Admit that you felt _nothing._ ’”

Brian frowns, putting his ear close to the bus door.  Yes, that's definitely Bob Bryar speaking.

“‘Do not mock my grief! _I died that day._ ’

“The armada began to fire signal cannons.  The explosions echoed through the mountains.  The man in black stared as the ships began to change formation.

“And while he was watching the ships, Buttercup shoved him with all her strength remaining.”

Brian opens the trailer door half an inch, and when Bob continues without pause, he relaxes.  He moves his eye close to the crack and peeks inside.  Bob is sitting on the chair, a thick but nicely bound book resting on his lap as he reads aloud.  Ray and the other three are all crowded on the too-small couch, but despite their awkward positions they all look perfectly comfortable with the snuggle fest.  Brian can tell almost right away that they're little.  Well, Ray isn't, but Ray never is, and neither is Bob.  And only now does he realize Bob has stopped reading.

"You can come in, you know."

Sheepishly, Brian shoves the door the rest of the way open and closes it behind him.  "Hey," he says lamely, but he gets a wave from Gerard and a small smile from Mikey anyway.  He can't see Frank's face because it looks like his head is resting on Ray's lap with his legs slung over Gerard. He shrugs inwardly.  His band is very multi-talented, and one of those talents is making themselves comfortable on top of each other.  Whatever.  "Sorry for interrupting... This."

"It's something we try to do every night, when we can," Ray says, adjusting the arm he has wrapped around Mikey.  "And Bob's great at reading aloud."

Brian squints at the book cover.  " _The Princess Bride?_ "  He doesn't know whether to be incredulous or amused.  Gerard looks up at him reproachfully.

"It's an awesome story.  With sword-fighting, except they call it fencing, and pirates and bad guys and torture and dying, which kinda makes the hero a zombie."  His face is totally serious, the way it usually is when he's little, and something inside Brian melts a little bit.  "Will you stay?"

Brian looks up at Bob against his better judgement, and Bob nods permission.  Sometimes, he knows his band wants to keep this stuff between the five of them.  They're tight-knit, they're a family, they're brothers and they look out for each other.  He knows they count him as family, too—he’s very grateful for this and takes his responsibility seriously—but he's more of an uncle.  But Ray's nodding too, and Brian knows that if he looks any farther to his right he's going to see Mikeyway's puppy dog eyes, which actually rival Frank Iero's.  Gods, he's such a pushover.

"All right," he says, and Gerard grins.

"Awesome."

Brian walks over and sits on the floor, back to the couch and facing Bob so he can hear better.  He's barely even on the floor when he feels the couch shift behind him and then feels Gerard wriggling off the couch and sitting down next to him.  He raises an eyebrow.  "Hello?"

"The couch is too small," Gerard says by way of explanation, and he doesn't offer anything further except to rest his head on Brian's shoulder.  Brian's not exactly taken aback—Gerard’s a cuddle bug, as Ray calls him, and he loves hugs and petting and snuggles, but he's usually on Ray's lap or Bob's.  Bob picks up where he left off.

“Finally he rested far below her, silent and without motion.  _‘You can die too for all I care,_ ’ she said, and then she turned away.”  Brian pretends not to notice the way Frank’s eyes widen in horror at the words, just like he pretends not to hear his whispered _“no”_ and pretends not to feel Gerard tense up.

“Words followed her.  Whispered from far, weak and warm and familiar.  ‘As . . . you . . . wish . . .’

“Dawn in the mountains.  Buttercup turned back to the source of the sound and stared down as, in first light, the man in black struggled to remove his mask.

“‘Oh, my sweet Westley,’ Buttercup said. ‘What have I done to you now?’”

Yeah, Brian definitely pretends not to notice Gerard mouthing along to Buttercup’s lines.  Now that he thinks about it, he can remember Ray saying that Gee’s favorite book to read in littlespace is _The Princess Bride_ , which for some reason is incomprehensibly cute.  It’s just such a Gerard thing to love.  Frank and Mikey are equally spellbound, however, despite the fact that this is clearly not the first time Ray’s read them this particular book. 

The whole scene is so wonderful it almost hurts.  Brian leans farther back against the couch, grinning as he wraps an arm around Gee, and lets himself become absorbed in the familiar tale.

“Besides, her balance quickly was gone and the ravine had her.  She fell fast and she fell hard, but what did that matter, since she would have gladly dropped a thousand feet onto a bed of nails if Westley had been waiting at the bottom.

“Down, down.

“Tossed and spinning, crashing, torn, out of control, she rolled and twisted and plunged, cartwheeling toward what was left of her beloved…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> William Goldman owns the novel The Princess Bride, and alas, I do not (although I do own a very nice copy that has a place of honor on my bookshelf). All of the quotes from the book Bob was reading are from that book and they're not mine.
> 
> All right, that's all for now, ducklings mine. Thank you for reading :)


	3. 22. Prompt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 22\. Prompt  
> Characters: Ray, Gerard, Frank, Mikey, and Bob  
> Timeline: Basically whenever  
> Summary: Frank likes hugs. Mikey likes kisses. Gerard likes being petted. Ray and Bob love it when their friends allow themselves to be looked after.

Mikey likes kisses. He's shyer than Frank and Gerard and definitely the quietest of the three, and he doesn't often vocalize what he wants. They know him well enough, though. Every hug comes with a kiss to the top of his head and a quick squeeze. Mikey likes it when someone tucks him in and kisses him goodnight (and someone always does). He likes it when he and Gerard sit together and bump their noses against each other and laugh. He likes how Ray and often Gerard sometimes just come up to him randomly and kiss his forehead or temple and ask if he's okay. It's because Mikey likes knowing that he's looked after, that people really care about his wellbeing.  Kisses are simple, they're quick, and Mikey gets a lot of them.

Frank likes cuddles.  They all like hugs, but he in particular loves the feeling of safety a person can only get from being held for a long time.  He's not picky—one-armed hugs while watching movies are fine, and so is the "puppy pile studio nap" concept they've perfected over the years. He likes to fall asleep on people.  He likes surprise tackles and piggyback rides. He likes morning hugs and hugs before bed, and he likes being tucked under someone's arm at night while he sleeps. In the end, Frank likes physical closeness—likes sitting so that his arms touch someone else's, likes bumping shoulders, even likes holding hands (but only when he's little or with Jamia).  

Gerard likes it when people play with his hair. It started the first few times he was little, when Ray insisted on washing and brushing his hair. Even after he cut it short, he still asks Ray to brush it. He likes it when people pet the top of his head or comb their fingers through his hair, likes sitting peacefully on the ground while someone on the couch plays with it. He also likes resting his head on people—shoulders, thighs, chest, it doesn't matter, especially when he's little.  Everyone is a pillow when Gerard is little. 

But these are things that Ray and Bob love about their friends.  They love knowing that they can look after these three, that they can give them what they've been missing or denying themselves.  They love how close they've all become—a real family, real brothers (never mind that they're not flesh and blood).  Yes, they fight.  How could they not?  They practically live on top of each other most of the time.  They know each other inside and out, and in the end, Ray and Bob just feel so, so privileged that their bandmates trust them to take care of them like this.  That's a trust that they're never going to betray, not ever.  Sometimes, Ray thinks it's the most important job he's ever had in the world.

Other times—times when Frankie’s self-esteem hits rock bottom and he wants to hate himself, times when Gee’s depression gets too bad and he just needs to cry and have someone tell him that it’ll be okay, times when Mikey has panic attacks and can’t move or speak but _needs_ to be held—and happier times, too, when Gee grins up at him full of love or Frank tickles Mikey and Ray can hear their uncontrolled laughter all the way outside the bus—times like these, he knows it is.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for the lovely reception this little fic series has received. You're all wonderful people :) This one's shorter, I know, and I hope to give you all a chapter four soon-ish. Until next time xo


	4. 10. Announcement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 10\. Announcement  
> Characters: Ray, Gerard, Frank, Mikey, Bob, and Brian  
> Timestamp: Sometimes in Revenge era  
> Summary: This is when the band finally decided to tell Brian about their little arrangement (pun fully intended).

It's been up in the air for a while.  They all know that none of this is normal, at least by most people’s standards, but they also know that they need it and that it helps them stay sane.  Then there are other things—like the fact that taking care of three emotionally troubled children is stressful at the best of times, and when all three of them are little it's only Ray and sometimes Bob taking care of them, and they all know that they need Brian because he's Brian and he always knows what to do.  He’s been taking care of _all_ of them since the beginning, after all.

"What are we supposed to say?" Frank asks one morning, running his hands through his hair distractedly as he paces around the bus.  Brian’s talking with Worm out back, so for now they have some privacy.  "That sometimes when things go to hell we get younger?"  Gerard shrugs.

"If that's what we have to say."

"I am not telling Brian that I mentally turn into a five-year-old."

Gerard shrugs again.  "Then I'll tell him for you," he says, then adds, "I mean, if it makes you uncomfortable."  Frank and Mikey have been more self-conscious about this whole thing they've all started, but Gerard is pretty comfortable with it and is always less shy when he has to be little in public.  But Frank shakes his head.

"I mean, it does, but...  He'll still know."

"He's got to know, Frankie."  Gerard's voice gets softer, the way it always does when he's being comforting without being overt about it.  "We're running Ray and Bob ragged with all of our emotional childhood crap, and that doesn't go away even when we're big.  They need help taking care of us."  

At this, Ray intervenes, because the direction in which Gerard’s been taking this conversation has been bothering him but now he’s crossed a line.  "It's not a chore, taking care of you."  Ray’s voice is firm and leaves no room for argument (because he learned a long time ago that all three of his kids have awful self-esteem and actually need to be scolded for putting themselves down, even when they’re big), but Gerard shakes his head to indicate that wasn’t what he meant.

"I know.  But you're tired, and so is Bob.  Brian has to know. He can't not."

* * *

It goes better than any of them ever thought it would.

All six of them are sitting in something close to a circle, but Gerard and Ray are the only ones who talk.  Brian sits silently, eyes moving from band member to member as Gerard and Ray explain, and Mikey and Frank squirm just a tiny bit under his gaze.  Bob sits in between them, a quiet source of strength as always.

When they finish, Brian just nods a little.  "So when you guys get tired or stressed or upset, you three—“ he indicates Gerard, Mikey, and Frank—“de-age mentally as a coping mechanism.  You," pointing at Gerard," are seven, sometimes eight, you," pointing at Mikey, "are three but can sometimes be younger, and you," pointing at Frank, "are five-ish.  And those two," he gestures vaguely at Bob and Ray, "take care of you when you de-age—“

"Age down," Frank corrects, and Brian just nods.

"Age down, but they're experiencing caregiver burnout or something because you three can't really control when you need to—to age down anymore.  Right?"

"We can control it, like on stage or during interviews," Mikey says quietly, staring at his beaten-up black converse as he speaks and determinedly doesn't meet Brian's eyes.  "But sometimes we're out eating at a crappy restaurant or doing something  on the bus and it's like, we're just little."  He gives a half shrug that he somehow manages to make extremely sad-looking.  Gerard's black combat boot nudges at the dirty converse, and Mikey hesitates but the converse nudges back.  Brian blinks, wondering if they're shifting into that headspace even as they're talking, but Ray sends him a small head shake in the negative.  Now that he knows, it's hard to differentiate in his head between regular Way brothers behavior and the way they might act when they're little, even though he's never seen it. Has he?

“Okay,” he says.

Mikey's head jerks up, and he meets Brian's eyes for the first time that night.  "Wait, you're cool with this?"

Brian shrugs.  "You guys are all incredibly strong people who've been through incredibly tough things," he says, choosing his words carefully.  "And I know sometimes your head isn't the safest place to be.  The way I see it, you need to be taken care of, and Ray and Bob need to know that they can take care of you and keep you safe, if only for a little while.  And if this helps you, then I'm all for it. Just please, for the love of all that is holy, _please_ don't do anything dumb in public. As your manager, I need to say it, and you guys don't exactly have the greatest history with the whole 'frerard' thing...but other than that, it's good."  There's a pause.

"Wow," Frank murmurs, and Brian allows a half-smile to creep onto his face.

"What?  You thought I'd be a jerk about it?"

Frank blushes and looks down.  "Not exactly...  I just thought—I mean, none of this is exactly normal—“

"You're not normal."

"But most people would be weirded out—“

Brian cuts him off. "Frank Iero, I swear on my life that I will always be here for you and everyone in this band whenever you need me." Frank's eyes are wide as he stares up at their manager, whose gaze is unusually fierce, and he’s suddenly reminded of how Brian was awakened at one in the morning by a drunk phone call from Gerard and stayed awake for three hours to talk their singer out of ending his life. The band watches as Brian presses quick kisses to Frank and Mikey's foreheads and brushes a hand through Gerard's hair before leaving.  For a moment, there's silence.

"That was actually pretty easy," Gerard says, and Frank can't help the relieved laugh that comes out, though looking back he knows now that ever thinking anything else was ridiculous.  Brian’s been looking out for them and caring for them when they refused to take care of themselves since the very beginning of anything that mattered.

"Yeah," he says with a grin, "yeah it was."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a very happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I'm very thankful for everyone who read this story and didn't hate it. Until next time xo


	5. 09. Muffle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 09\. Muffle  
> Characters: Ray and Frank  
> Timeframe: basically whenever  
> Summary: (This one is more of a not!fic and also short, so beware!) Before they had this all worked out, Ray knows that Frank used to deal with all his issues alone. Now that they have a system, it's still hard to convince him that it's okay to let go, so Ray decides to show him instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, I doubt that there's a lot of you out there who haven't checked out bammyjammies on tumblr yet, but Patri basically runs this rad blog for nonsexual bandom age play and it's a total party with snuggles and cute hcs and if you haven't checked it out yet then you definitely need to :)
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's been reading/giving kudos/commenting!

So before the band has this whole system worked out and everything, they still had to deal with all their issues, right?  So when Frank would get really, really upset, he would just wait til everyone else was asleep and cry into his pillow.  Only problem was, Ray was never asleep.  He would always hear, and get really torn because on one hand, that's one of his best friends in the whole world and he's in pain, but on the other hand,  _awkward_.  So he always just kinda wished he could help, and then he would be super nice in the morning and always try to make Frank feel better.

So anyway, now that they have this whatever it is, Ray hopes that Frank will go to him or Bob, or even call Brian instead of trying to hide what he's going through.  But Frank being Frank, this doesn't happen.  Ray wakes up one night and he hears really faint muffled crying, and he knows exactly what it is because he's been in this situation loads of times before, only now he's going to actually do something.  So he calls out Frank's name and he can hear Frank making a valiant attempt to stop crying.  He asks if he's okay, and Frank says he's fine, but Ray refuses to accept that because he knows he's not.  So instead of giving up, he tells Frank to come over to his bunk.  After years of being world's best uncle/brother/cousin to the dozens of little kids in his family, he knows the perfect amount of stern to put into his voice so that Frank won't ignore him, and sure enough it's only a few seconds later that a tiny miserable ball of Iero crawls into Ray's bunk and sits down. 

Ray asks him what's wrong and Frank just shrugs.  He says he's not really sure he knows how to say it, and Ray says that's okay, that he just doesn't want Frank to be alone.  Even in the dark, he sees Frank's eyes get wide, and that hurts because they're best friends and why wouldn't Frank believe him?  But Frank just shakes his head and says that he's never really had friends like that before, who are willing to deal with all of his emotional crap.  Ray doesn't really get that because that's what friends are for, but then again none of them really had close friends growing up.  So he decides to just reach out and hug him. 

Normally, Frank is probably the most touchy-feely out of all of them, which is saying something because they are a seriously touchy-feely bunch of dudes. This time, however, his whole body goes stiff for a few seconds before relaxing into Ray's. Ray doesn't take offense—especially after seeing the way Frank melts into him and just kind of gives in. Frank sniffles and asks  _can I cry on you?_  And Ray says  _whatever you need_ , and then Frank is full on sobbing into Ray's shirt. Ray just holds him tighter, one arm across his back and one hand cupping the back of his head. Frank feels safe and secure for the first time in ages. 

Ray feels Frank take several shuddering breaths like he's trying to stop crying so he can say something, and he shushes him softly and says  _it's my job to take care of you. It's okay._  Frank shakes his head but Ray doesn't push, he just pets Frank's hair and whispers calming things in his ear like  _it's okay, you're all right, you're safe here_  and waits for the storm to die down. Ray’s not even sure whether Frank’s little or not at this point (although it’s probably a safe bet to say that he is), so he just cuddles him close and waits for the storm to die down.

Frank cries himself to sleep a few minutes later. Ray presses a kiss to Frank's temple and pulls his blankets up over the both of them, and he falls asleep with his arms still around his friend. 

In the morning, they wake up after everyone else.  Frank's kinda embarrassed at having fallen asleep in Ray's bunk, but nobody makes a big deal out of it.  As soon as he steps into the main room, Mikey walks up and gives him a hug and says _love you_ , and Frank hugs back extra hard so no one can see the tears in his eyes.  But when Mikey pulls away, Gerard's grinning and Ray's grinning and Mikey's kinda smiling which is as good as he's gonna get, and Frank thinks he might just really be okay.


	6. 03. Describe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 03\. Describe  
> Characters: Frank and Mikey (and Ray at the end)  
> Timeframe: Any time you want will work  
> Summary: This is one of their more interesting interviews.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's verrrrry short and much more humorous than the last one :) this'll also be the last chapter I post in this fic until I put up the cute Christmas thing I'm working on, so don't expect anything else really. I might put some verse hcs up on Patri's tumblr in the meantime. Hope everyone survives the last week and a half before break.

"So tell me, both of you, who is Gerard to you?"

Mikey looks over at Frank, who looks over at Mikey, and both of them turn and look over at the woman who's interviewing them.  She keeps going.  "Obviously, he's the frontman of the band and everyone can see you all have a fantastic friendship, but how would you two  _personally_  describe your relationship with him?"

Memories of being little flash through Mikey's head, and he resists the urge to shift uncomfortably.  He knows Frank is doing the same.  "Well, obviously he's my brother.  And my best friend.  That's kind of how it's always been, you know, it's like we have some kind of psychic link after all these years of basically living in the same room.  But I definitely look up to him.  I think I have ever since I was two or something."

Frank clears his throat.  "Yeah, same goes for me.  I guess, being the youngest in the band, 'cause I'm actually a year younger than Mikey, I think I kind of adopted the guys as surrogate brothers because I'd never had any."  The interviewer nods sagely.

"I see.  So for you, it's like touring with your four older brothers?"

Frank and Mikey share a look and laugh.  "I think Bob's more of a mama bear," Mikey grins.  "He'll get me for that later, though." 

Frank smirks. Maybe if he just... "And you're totally the baby. Three older brothers, Mikes, that must be tough."

Mikey pouts, and it's adorable, and Frank wonders what the fans will say when this interview hits YouTube. 

* * *

BONUS:

**_Three days later_ **

_"...later, though."_

_"And you're totally the baby.  Three older brothers, Mikes, that must be tough.”_

Ray pauses the video and rolls his eyes, then turns to look behind him.  “Frank Anthony Iero, we talked about hinting during interviews and agreed that—“

“Shouldn’t do it, I know,” Frankie says, dropping his eyes and shuffling his feet. Ray narrows his eyes before deciding to let the kid off the hook.

“All right, I guess you’re okay this time,” he says with a fond sigh of exasperation, and Frankie grins up at him, running up and giving him a quick, tight hug before dashing out of the room to in search of one or both of his brothers.

“Thanks, Ray!” he calls out behind him, and Ray shakes his head. 

“These kids will be the death of me,” he murmurs to himself, but he can’t quite keep the smile off his face.


	7. 61. Blanket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 61\. Blanket  
> Characters: Ray and Frank  
> Timestamp: sometime during Revenge era  
> Summary: "Uh uh, don't wanna play. Wanna nap, Ray, now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeeeaaaahh, sorry it's been a while. But now I'm back! Um, this chapter's for Patri, cause you made it through last night and tbh you deserve some serious fluff right about now.
> 
> Also, I know that "Lullaby" wasn't written until many, many years after this. But let's pretend for the sake of my fanfiction that it already exists. That's about all I have to say. Thanks for reading :)

“Raaaaayyy.”

Ray looks up from the notebook he has in his lap, tucking his pen behind his ear and setting aside the notebook full of scribbled ideas as he sees Frank standing in the doorway. He’s obviously in his headspace, shifting impatiently from one foot to the other and clutching his stuffed golden retriever, Moose, in his right hand. It was a Christmas present from Brian a few months ago, and Ray smiles fondly at the memory.

“Yeah, Frankie?”

Frankie sighs dramatically and pads over to the big chair Ray’s sitting in. He’s dressed in a loose white T-shirt that he probably stole from Gerard and a baggy pair of sweatpants, and his feet are bare. Ray, who has some idea of where this is heading because Frank dropping unexpectedly into headspace usually always means the same thing, holds his arms out in an invitation. Frank climbs into his lap and settles there, letting Ray wrap his arms around him and hold him, but doesn’t say anything.

Ray’s the one to break the silence. “Somethin’ the matter, Frankie?” 

Frank shrugs.  “Just tired.”

Ah. So Ray was correct with his previous assumption. When Frankie aged down on a day that wasn’t designated for Quiet Time, it was almost always because he (like Gerard) tended to work himself into exhaustion. That combined with self-doubt and, in Gerard’s words, “good, old-fashioned depression,” meant that Frankie would often slip into headspace for reassurance and comfort. And because when he’s little, Ray is in charge (which is reassuring to him in and of itself).

Ray hugs him closer and lets it be. “Do you want me to call Gerard or Mikey to see if they can come play with you?” he asks, and Frank immediately shakes his head.

“Uh uh, don’t wanna play. Wanna nap, Ray, now.”

In a way, that’s a blessing because it means Ray won’t have to wrestle a bone-tired but still resistant Frankie into his bunk for a nap. It’s also a surprise, but Ray doesn’t say that. He just smiles. “That’s good, because in not too long it’s going to be time for little boys to take naps.” He glances down at his watch, which reads just past noon. It’s earlier than he would normally put the boys down, but Frank desperately needs the sleep, and he’s already starting to zone out on Ray’s lap. 

Ray feels Frank tugging on one of his hoodie strings and he looks down into Frankie’s very serious face. “Nap,” he says with an air of urgency. “Here. Wanna cuddle.”

Ray shakes his head, not exactly happy to refuse Frank but aware that allowing him to nap where they were now was a bad idea. “We can cuddle after you wake up from your nap, baby, but you need to sleep in your bed,” he says gently. The chair they were sitting in was comfortable—Brian had insisted that as soon as they had enough money, they replace the crappy furniture on the bus with stuff more suitable for kids—but it wasn’t nearly big enough, and napping on the bus couch wasn’t something Ray was comfortable with Frank doing while he was little.

Frank pouts, but doesn’t fight when Ray ends their embrace and grabs him bridal style. While carrying his littles isn’t something Ray makes a habit of, because he certainly doesn’t want back injuries and they _are_ physically fully grown adults, Frankie looks really sweet right now, and more importantly he’s also skinny as frick and doesn’t weigh that much. 

When Ray stands up, Frankie gives a little squeal at his (literally) elevated status and clutches Moose tighter to him. “You’re really tall,” he mumbles into Ray’s chest, and Ray fights not to laugh as he carries Frank over to the bunks. 

“Well,” he says, unable to hide his smile, “you’re still little. Maybe one day, you’ll end up being taller than I am.”

Slowly, Frankie shakes his head. “I don’ think so, Ray,” he decides. “Think I’m always gonna be short.”

Ray snorts to himself as he carefully sets Frankie down in his bunk, thinking _you got that one right, kid._ “All right, munchkin, under the covers. Let’s get you all tucked in.” 

Frankie yawns and sleepily moves under his blankets. “My feet are cold, Ray,” he whines softly as he does so, at which Ray rolls his eyes. As he sits down on the edge of the bed and brings the covers up, Ray suggests that socks might not be a bad idea in the future, but Frank recoils with such horror that he decides it’s not worth the struggle. 

“There, snug as a bug,” Ray says as he pats down the blankets one last time. Frank’s lying down, blankets tucked in around him as he stares up at Ray with big brown eyes. “Now. Story or song?”

Frank’s eyebrows furrow as he ponders, and another yawn escapes him. “Ummmm, song, please. Can you sing Tricky’s lullaby?”

Ray nods. Trick’s lullaby had been a constant in their bus since Warped that past summer, when both his band and the Fall Out Boys (as he called them) had discovered that they had similar coping mechanisms. He reaches out and strokes Frank’s hair as he sings to him quietly.

_“Honey is for bees, silly bear, besides, there’s jellybeans everywhere. It’s not what it seems in the land of dreams, don’t worry your head, just go to sleep…”_

Frankie’s eyes slip shut, and his breathing’s already starting to slow. Ray honestly thinks he might just sleep through the night and on into the next morning. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s done so after a day like today’s. It's good for his body to catch up on the sleep, anyway.

_“When you wake up, the world will come around…”_

Ray hears the door to the bus open behind them. He knows this means Gerard and Mikey are back from their walk, but they’ll be quiet because it’s their rule that you’re always quiet when you first walk onto the bus, just in case someone’s little and napping (like today). As soon as they hear Ray singing, they instantly drop their voices to whispers and sit down. 

_“It’s not what it seems in the land of dreams, don’t worry your head, just go to sleep.”_

Ray leans forward and kisses Frankie’s forehead. “Sleep well, little one,” he murmurs. Frankie hugs Moose a little closer and Ray grins as he carefully rises to his feet. Frank doesn’t stir again, so Ray tiptoes around and closes all the blinds before heading out into the lounge area to hang with Gerard and Mikey. If Frankie wakes up tonight, maybe he’ll make grilled cheese for dinner. Or at least something other than ramen, for heaven's sake. 

 _I sound like a dad_ , he thinks to himself. _But maybe that’s kind of okay._


	8. 06. Follow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is based off of a headcanon from Patri: "Imagine Gee pushing Frank on the swings though and helping him tie his shoes and being a good older brother for him when Ray can't be there." So viola, I give you best big brother!Gee.
> 
> Characters: Ray, Gee, Frankie, Mikey  
> Timeframe: whenever you want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm introducing a headcanon here: because Mikey doesn't like to talk when he's in headspace, Ray learned and taught the boys basic sign language. Most of the time they only use it when Mikey's little, but sometimes when they're big and it comes in handy they'll use it briefly.

I.

“Geeeeeee.”

Gee looks up from his coloring page (he’s coloring Hawkeye because Hawkeye is by far the coolest Avenger ever and Ray thinks so, too) to see Frankie standing in the doorway. Frankie’s all big eyes and pathetic sniffles, and Gee springs into action right away because a sad little brother can _not_ be tolerated. Gee’s the big brother, it’s his job to kick the sadness out. “What’s wrong, Frankie?” he asks, laying down his crayon immediately and standing up. Frankie sniffs again.

“Can’t tie my shoe, Gee, an’ I tried an’ I tried! I did it yesterday!” And yes, now Gee can see the white converse laces dragging behind Frankie as he shuffles forwards. “An’ I just can’t!”

The situation might have been amusing, but Gee can see the hints of frustrated tears building up in Frankie’s eyes and threatening to spill over, and that is _beyond_ not okay. “I can do it for you,” he says brightly with a smile, watching Frankie sniff again and discreetly reach up to wipe at his eyes before nodding.

“Okay.”

Gee kneels down and furrows his brow as he concentrates. He’s eight and a big boy, but tying shoes is hard. Ray told him so. But he remembers the story of the bunny who goes through the hole, and in no time at all he has both of Frank’s shoes tied and ready to go.

Frank starts jumping up and down as soon as Gee stands up. “Thankyou thankyou thankyou, you’re the best big brother ever!” he squeals, darting in to wrap his arms around Gee’s waist in a quick hug before pulling away and dashing off to do whatever it is he was doing beforehand.

Gee grins and goes back to his coloring. No matter how many times he hears those words, they never get old. He can’t wait to tell Ray about how helpful he was when he gets back.

* * *

 II.

Gee wakes up to someone shaking his shoulder. He groans and turns over. “Ray, naptime’s not over yet,” he mumbles, but the shaking doesn’t stop. He groans again and opens his eyes, frowning when he sees his little brother, who shouldn’t be awake either. “Mikey?” he asks in confusion. “Why aren’t you napping?”

Mikey’s hands come up and he signs _hungry._

Gee blinks. “Can you wait?”

_really hungry._

Gee frowns, trying to remember. “You ate breakfast.” 

Mikey nods.

“Did you eat your snack?”

Mikey shakes his head yes, because Ray almost always makes them finish their snack. Gee’s frown deepens. The only time Ray doesn’t watch what they’re eating like a hawk is when they’re big—oh.

“Did you eat dinner last night?” Mikey shakes his head no. "How about lunch?" This time, there’s a pause before Mikey shakes his head and lowers his eyes.

Gee sighs and pushes back the covers, stumbling out of bed and grabbing Mikey’s hand. “Mikes, Ray says you need to eat, even when you don’t want to, cause it’s not healthy and you’re really little.” 

Mikey shrugs.

Gee’s heart gets a little heavier.

On their way into the small kitchen, Gee holds a finger up to his mouth and points to Ray, who’s sleeping on the couch, totally exhausted. Mikey nods, understanding the need for quiet, and Gee reaches up into a cabinet for the cereal (since that’s one of the few things he’s allowed to make by himself). As quietly as he possibly can, he pours it into a bowl and grabs a spoon. He turns to face Mikey and signs _milk?_ and Mikey nods.

After the cereal is prepared, Gee and Mikey sit on the floor. Gee watches his little brother with bright, anxious eyes as he eats like he’s starving. But even Gee, the best big brother in the _world_ , has to admit that he doesn’t know how to make Mikey better, he just knows how to help him when he needs it.

As he takes his brother’s hand and leads him back to his bunk, Gee thinks that that’s maybe all anyone can be expected to do.

* * *

III.

Ray grunts in surprise when the guitar article he’s reading is shoved aside by Gee, who climbs immediately into Ray’s lap and wraps his arms around him like a clingy koala. Ray chuckles, setting the article down and wrapping both arms around his boy, who snuggles deeper into the embrace. “Hello there, little one,” he laughs. “Up early this morning, I see.”

Gee giggles into the side of Ray’s neck. “Was already awake,” he says. “N’ I wanted cuddles.”

Ray grins broadly and hugs Gee closer, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “You can have cuddles any time you want, kitten.” At this, Gee makes a happy sound and goes still, his head resting on Ray’s chest. Ray, familiar with this behavior and the routine that generally follows, gently pats Gee’s back as his oldest just sits and lets himself be held.

They sit in silence for a few minutes, enjoying each other’s company and the still-early morning quiet, before Gee abruptly shifts out of Ray’s arms so he’s looking up at him.

“Ray, am I a good big brother?”

The question startles Ray, whose head jerks down so his eyes can meet Gee’s. His boy’s face is uncharacteristically serious as he considers his question. “Because I’m supposed to look after Frankie and Mikey, right? But that’s hard and sometimes I’m not good at it, which means I’m a bad big brother and—“

Ray places his pointer finger over Gee’s mouth and the troubled singer stops speaking, biting his lip (a bad habit of his Ray’s been trying to discourage, since Gee has a habit of drawing blood without even realizing it). Ray lightly taps his boy’s lower lip. “Don’t bite, Gee,” he chides gently, and Gee immediately stops.

Ray takes a second to collect his thoughts. “Gee,” he says finally, “you’re the best big brother ever.”

“Ever ever?” Gee asks, eyes widening, and Ray smiles in affirmation.

“Ever ever. You take such good care of Frankie and Mikey and you’re so sweet with them, and I’m really proud of you for that.”

Gee perks up. “You are?” he asks hopefully. Ray’s heart cracks at the way Gee still sounds surprised at his statement, even after all these years, but he just nods and tries to answer like he’s not bothered at all.

“I am so very proud of you. Being a big brother isn’t easy. It’s a hard job.” Gee nods solemnly, big eyes bright with attentiveness, and Ray continues. “But—Gee, you may be a big brother, but you’re not big. Ultimately, Frank and Mikey are _my_ responsibility, and so are you. You’re my boys, and it’s my job to make sure all _three_ of you are taken care of. That’s my job, not yours.”

Gee’s forehead furrows in a confused frown. “But Mikey—“

“Isn’t your responsibility,” Ray interrupts gently but firmly. This is something he knows he needs to work on, because this whole arrangement is about doing what’s best for his boys, and Gee can’t really let go until he temporarily relinquishes his lifelong role of Mikey’s caretaker to someone else. “You can protect him when you’re big, but when you’re little it’s _my_ job to make sure he’s safe and happy. Just like it’s my job to make sure _you’re_ safe and happy.”

Gee doesn’t stop frowning, but his forehead wrinkles are less severe, and his head tilts to the side. “Well… You do a really good job of taking care of me so I guess you can take care of Frankie and Mikey, too.”

Ray smiles wide. That’s what I’m saying. Now c’mere.” He opens his arms wide and laughs when Gee throws himself into them, snuggling in.

“Love you, Ray.”

Ray squishes Gee closer to him. “Love you too, kitten. And I will _always_ be proud of you.”

Gee nuzzles into Ray’s neck, and Ray’s reminded of why he gave him the nickname _kitten_ in the process. It’s heartwarming. “Are you always gonna look after me?”

Ray presses a kiss to the top of Gee’s black hair. “Always.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to start taking requests for chapters/ficlets, maybe long fics at some point later on. Please drop a request whenever you want, and I'll hopefully get it up relatively soonish. Before that, though, I figured I should have some guidelines or something to establish what I do and don't feel comfortable writing, so... Here are a few guidelines for requests:
> 
> 1\. Nothing even a little bit sexual. That's not what this story is about, plus that's not a thing I want to write.
> 
> 2\. I'll take requests for other bands at some point, probably in the nearish future, but not just yet. Please keep your requests MCR-related for now.
> 
> 3\. I don't have a problem with infantilism, but I don't really feel comfortable writing it. The youngest I'll ever make Mikey is the older side of two, so please don't request anything younger than that. Diapers especially—I don't have an issue reading about them, I just don't really want to write them.
> 
> 4\. Please keep your requests at lease semi-canon to this verse :)
> 
> 5\. No bandslash, please! I'm really stressing the close platonic relationships in this verse and I also hate writing romance in general.
> 
> Thanks for reading, please request anything within those guidelines, be as specific as you want and I'll see what I can come up with :) You can request in the comments section of this story or shoot me an ask on tumblr (allhailmikeybae), though if you send me an anon on tumblr I probably won't reply until I post the chapter with your request (just because that's my personal and I don't have a verse tumblr). Thanks again and love you all xoxo


	9. 62. Imagine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Characters: Ray and Mikey  
> Timeframe: Any time you want, really  
> Summary: Mikey slips into headspace after reading the first few chapters of Brave New World. Distraught by what he's read, he regresses and turns to Ray for comfort (like any sane human would).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter wasn't a request--and I am working on those as we speak (er, as you read)--but this was something that came up on me today while I was reading my English homework. Brave New World is a novel written in the 1930s by Aldous Huxley that takes place in a dystopian future. While sections of the book are truly disturbing, the book as a whole is a thought-provoking satire. This chapter came to me as I was reading a particularly awful bit, in which something called Neo-Pavolvian Conditioning, which involves giving babies large electrical shocks accompanied by loud noises for long periods of time, is used to create "instinctive" reactions in humans. I felt the urge to write something that was the exact opposite of Huxley's world. So you get this chapter instead of a request. Oopsies. Wish I'd had a Ray when I read this chapter haha.

New reading material is always nice, Mikey thinks as he settles himself down on the bus couch with his book. This one had been recommended by one of Gerard’s friends, who had lent him the book. Gerard, being Gerard and more inclined to read comic books, had passed it on to Mikey, who thought it looked interesting. Dystopian novels written decades ago tend to make good food for thought, and he'd liked _1984_ in high school. _Brave New World._ If nothing else, it looked like it would be a good read.

 _Two pages in._ Okay, weird.

 _Five pages in._ Okay, creepy.

 _End chapter one._  Okay, this book was clearly written by Satan.

Chapter two starts off on a better note. Mikey can’t help the smile that breaks across his face as he reads about the babies, because he always smiles when he reads about small children. Probably because they remind him of himself in littlespace. His happiness quickly turns to confusion, however, and then to abject horror at what he’s reading. The book slips from his fingers and hits the floor with a dull thud. His breathing quickens.

Mikey hears the bus door open, and he’s little so quickly _he’s_ surprised at his own ability to regress. He practically flings himself at Ray, who seems confused but returns his distraught embrace. “What’s all this, Mikes?” he asks. Mikey sniffs and regretfully pulls away from the hug. 

 _Book,_ he signs. His hands stay up but they hesitate and his forehead creases the way it does when he doesn’t know how to sign a word. 

“That one?” Ray gestures towards the book lying open on the ground in order to prevent tears of frustration, which have spilled forth in situations like this on more than one occasion, and Mikey shakes his head yes vigorously. “ _Brave New World?_ ” Ray muses out loud. “What’s that about?” He walks over and bends down to get the book, opening it to the page it fell onto and beginning to read. His face quickly loses color. 

“Mikes, were you reading this?” he asks, tone clearly portraying the same horror Mikey had felt. Mikey sniffs again and nods.

_they hurt the babies and I got scared._

Ray sighs as he sits down on the couch and pats his lap. Mikey crawls into it almost immediately, looking for the comfort only his caregiver could provide and sniffing again, trying very hard not to cry.

Ray cuddles Mikey close and presses a kiss to his temple. “Babies should always be protected and kept safe and treasured and loved,” he says softly, feeling sick at the thought of something like that ever happening to one of his boys, but—he shudders as he remembers reading what happened to babies in the Brave New World—especially Mikey. _Their_ baby, whom Ray would never allow to be hurt like that. “Babies should laugh and play and be happy and be raised by people who love them. That bad world isn’t real, Mikey. This world is real, and we—“ (he kisses Mikey’s nose) “—love you—“ (another kiss) “—so—“ (kiss) “—very—“ (kiss) “—much.”

He presses several kisses to Mikey’s face in quick succession and listens to Mikey giggle. The sound warms Ray’s heart.

Mikey pulls back a little. His hands come up and he signs _kids there don’t have mommies or daddies and they get hurt. I don’t have a mommy or a daddy but I have you and you love me._

Ray’s chest swells up and he somehow manages not to cry. “Oh, baby,” he says, reaching and pulling Mikey into his arms again. Mikey curls up, one of his hands fisting into Ray’s shirt as Ray hugs him close. “No more nasty books,” Ray murmurs, running his fingers through Mikey’s dark hair. “No more nasty books.”

After several minutes, Mikey whines softly. Ray pulls back, and Mikey signs _sing?_

“Of course, Mikes,” Ray assures. He folds his arms around Mikey again and Mikey snuggles down into them, nestling himself comfortably into the warm embrace of his caregiver. “You want a lullaby?” Ray asks, and Mikey nods. Ray strokes his thumb over the back of Mikey’s neck and softly begins the song from _A Midsummer Night’s Dream_ , which he’d put music to for his boys some time ago.

 _“You spotted snakes with double tongue,_  
_Thorny hedgehogs be not seen;_  
_Newt and blind-worms, do no wrong,_  
_Come not near our fairy queen._  
_Philomel with melody,_  
_Sing in our sweet lullaby;_  
_Lulla, lulla, lullaby; lulla, lulla, lullaby._  
_Never harm_  
_Nor spell nor charm_  
_Come our lovely baby nigh._  
_So good night, with lullaby._  
_Weaving spiders, come not here;_  
_Hence, you long-legg’d spinners, hence._  
_Beetles black, approach not here,  
_ _Worm nor snail do no offense.”_

Mikey gives a small yawn and Ray’s heart melts. “It’s nap time for very little boys,” he whispers, and Mikey nods sleepily. Ray maneuvers them both into a lying down position, with Mikey’s head resting in the crook of Ray’s arm. Ray carefully wraps an arm around his little, who seems so much smaller than he does when he’s big, and finishes the song.

 _“Philomel with melody,_  
_Sing in our sweet lullaby_  
_Lulla, lulla, lullaby; lulla, lulla, lullaby._  
_Never harm_  
_Nor spell nor charm_  
_Come our lovely baby nigh.  
_ _So good night, with lullaby.”_

Mikey’s breathing evens out, and Ray pats his shoulder gently. “I’ll be here when you wake up,” he promises. In his sleep, Mikey smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lullaby Ray sings is a real song from A Midsummer Night's Dream. I, however, substituted the phrase "lovely baby" for "lovely lady." I don't own the song or the play or the novel Brave New World or the people in this fic, heaven forbid. The only thing I really own is a fob tshirt and my stuffed owl, Homer. As always, thanks for reading/commenting! :) and feel free to continue giving me requests! I love the ones you guys have come up with so far!


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